Wendy's Closing Hundreds of Locations: What Happened and What's the Real Story?

Alright, so Wendy's is apparently planning to shutter a bunch of locations. Hundreds, even. And the news sites are all breathlessly reporting on it like it's some kind of tragedy. Give me a break.

The "Underperforming" Lie

"Underperforming," that's the key word here. That’s what Interim CEO Ken Cook is calling them. As if we're supposed to feel bad for these corporate behemoths when their pre-fab burger joints can't turn a profit. "Oh no, the poor franchisees!" Spare me the crocodile tears.

What does "underperforming" really mean? It means they screwed up. They built too many stores, they picked the wrong locations, their "innovative" pretzel bacon pub whatever-the-hell sandwich flopped. It's not some act of God. It's bad business, plain and simple.

And let's be real, how much "investment" are these franchisees really making? I picture some dude in a cheap suit filling out paperwork while corporate tells him exactly what color to paint the walls.

But hey, at least Cook wants to "fix" the restaurants that "do not elevate the brand." Elevate the brand? It's a fast-food chain, not a freakin' art gallery.

New Jersey's Day of Reckoning?

So, will any of those 145 Wendy's in New Jersey bite the dust? Maybe. Maybe not. They ain't saying. All this "reporting" and nobody actually knows anything. Offcourse, that's how it always goes, ain't it? Wendy's closing hundreds of locations; are any in Wendy's closing in New Jersey?

And Iowa? They're down to 39 locations from 41 just a few months ago. Spooky. Wendy's is closing more locations in 2026. Are any Iowa stores on the list?

You know what else is "underperforming"? My freakin' internet bill. Every month, the price creeps up a little higher, and the service gets a little worse. At least Wendy's gives you the illusion of choice with their menu board. My ISP just laughs in my face.

The Future of Fast Food Doom

The closures are supposed to start "later this year" and continue "through next year." Vague much? It's like they're deliberately trying to keep us in suspense. As if anyone actually cares which Wendy's is going to be the next one to get the axe.

Honestly, the only thing I'm feeling is a mild sense of schadenfreude. Maybe this is what happens when you try to compete with Burger King, McDonald's and Shake Shack. Maybe, just maybe, the market is finally correcting itself. Too many burger joints, not enough customers with functioning taste buds.

Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe people genuinely love Wendy's and their square patties. Maybe I'm just a bitter old cynic who hates everything. Nah.

So, What's the Real Story?

They're closing stores because they suck at running a business. Plain and simple. Let 'em close. The world won't miss another mediocre fast-food chain. And honestly, I could use a little less temptation when I'm driving home late at night. My waistline will thank them, even if my stomach won't.